Join the Wabash College Swimming and Diving Team

By Spolaria ‘08

10. Free trip to Florida! – Enjoy great tourist activities such as endless hours of shuffleboard, free food, and hours of pain and suffering in an outdoor pool.

9. Be a kid again! – Spend hours with some of the most intelligent men in the country acting like fools. Don’t believe me? Stop by practice between the hour and eight minute and hour and ten minute mark, and witness a spectacle like none other!

8. Dry Season! – What could possibly be better than living in the middle of a corn field without women and then not being able to drink for three months? A night of old Chuck Norris movies is far better than any alcohol!

7. Travel the world for free! – See exotic locals such as Canton, Ohio and parts of Kentucky you never knew existed at no cost to you!

6. Lady-less! – Seriously, lacking a girls’ team has its advantages. Never wait for someone to fix their hair again (except for Blackwell)! Kiss hours wasted sitting on a bus for people to get out of the shower after a meet good-bye (except for Blackwell…again).

5. Hugh-ge lessons – Gain valuable information about the Wabash life in days past from the yarns of our beloved volunteer coach. Offer only applies once; offer void after the tenth time you hear the same story in two years.

4. ROPE GAME!!! – Enough said.

3. Wally World – It’s simple substitution. Wally = Jack Bauer. Tiger = Terrorists. Jack Bauer > Terrorists…in fact…Jack Bauer > Anything so Wally > Anything.

2. Coach’s Company – Coach needs friends. Everyone else has grown weary of coach promising 20 minute meetings yet sitting in the meeting room for over an hour. Seriously, how many times do we need the color system explained? Applications are now being taken for crying shoulder, which coach definitely needs in light of the Red Sox collapse.

1. Hearing Impaired – It is physically impossible to hear the pessimistic remarks Ben Hewitt is hurling at us from Kenyon